Now
by Emmy1512
Summary: Jack is leaving the SGC, it's now or never. SamJack. Angst/Fluff/Romance. Oneshot, complete.


So I was listening to Tracy Chapman on New Years eve, and I got thinking as well as reading a lot of fanfiction and thought, stuff it, I need to put in my two bobs worth of Sam/Jack shipmania. So here you go.

* * *

The soft sound of music surrounded Colonel Samantha Carter, and the words pierced her skin like a needle through fabric.

 _Sorry,  
Is all that you can't say.  
Years gone by and still...  
Words don't come easily._

Tears rolled down her cheek as the memories of the day came flooding in. She'd been strong, since the moment she walked out of his office, half packed and ready to take his things with him to Washington. Their last official mission under his command had come to a swift and unspectacular end when Samantha Carter had accidentally tripped, of all things, and fallen down a 40 foot rocky incline. She'd been surprisingly unscathed; a concussion, a broken rib, and a couple of fractured toes, but other than that... surprisingly unscathed... that was until she encountered the arctic freeze of an atmosphere that her commanding officer and closest confidant, had created for their final mission debrief; and the scathing words to leave the General's mouth when in the private of his office.

* * *

 _Carter knocked on the door with as much confidence as she could muster. Jack O'Neill glanced up to see exactly who he'd expected, and looked back down again, pretending to perform an act of tetris to fit an award in a box he already knew was too full. Anything to avoid looking at her, to avoid saying goodbye._

 _She waited for him to speak for a moment before starting herself. "Sir..." her voice betrayed her, and she hesitantly waited another moment for him to look up and took the time to steady herself._

 _O'Neill seemed to have taken his time, and looked at her steady and emotionlessly. "Carter." He greeted her not as a subordinate, but certainly not as a friend either. She took a step forward and closed the door behind her. He didn't invite her to take a seat so she stood. "What can I help you with Colonel?"_

" _Enough with this Colonel business, Jack, please."_

 _Jack tensed at her use of his first name. "Sorry, Carter."_

 _Sam faltered momentarily. "Sam. My name, is Sam."_

 _He shot her a perplexed look... "I know that..." he waited for her to react before speaking again. "Look, Sam. Can we please just skip this part? We both know how it'll end."_

 _Looking down at her boots she felt a blush of disappointment and anger form on her face. "Well, I didn't know for sure until now, I suppose now I do." She turned to place her hand on the door, ready to pull it open._

 _Jack spoke just as she started to walk away from him. "I'm not saying never, Sam. I'm saying we can't now."_

 _Sam steeled herself for what she'd been planning to say all day... though in reality she'd been planning to say it for years. She turned to him and looked him in the eye. "And I'm saying... if not now, never. Jack. Enough is enough, it's ridiculous, how many failed relationships, near death experiences, and galactic calamities is it going to take? I've had enough. There's no reason to wait anymore, there is NOTHING standing between us now. Nothing except you."_

 _Sam turned back to the door and walked out without letting him retaliate. She knew it was low, but she needed to be strong, she needed to show she wasn't going to let it break her. A least not in front of him._

* * *

Carter didn't really remember the drive home; she sat in silence as rain belted her windscreen, no radio, the only sound her dried and broken windshield blades scratching at the windscreen. Now she was inside, dry, and well and truly alone, the rain that had steeled her on the way home served little purpose other than to break that same which it had formed. The tears had stopped, but the song causing her distress seemed to be on repeat, but the iPod from which is came was plugged to the other side of the room, much further than she could bring herself to move. So she sat with it.

 _Forgive me,  
is all that you can't say.  
Years gone by and still,  
Words don't come easily,  
Like forgive me, forgive me. _

She looked up, eyes dry but cheeks stained with the evidence of her weakness. She felt disgusted with herself. She'd had no right to feel as she did to start with. No right to issue an ultimatum, to anyone, let alone a superior officer, a man who'd been nothing but caring and... loving? Sam thought to herself. Had he ever really been loving, or was it all in her mind.

" _I'm not saying never, Sam..."_

His words plagued her mind, and she wanted to scream. She could do anything, blow up a sun, save countless humans, justify and mourn the loss of countless others, yet when it came to the prospect of the loss of one person, one simple man, she broke.

 _But you can say baby,  
Baby can I hold you tonight.  
Maybe if I told you the right words,  
at the right time you'd be mine._

Scoffing to herself and the lyrics, she stood up and pressed pause.

Smoothing out her civvies, she turned to the kitchen to survey her surroundings. Something felt off. She didn't feel alone. So when O'Neill came from her kitchen to the lounge with two beers, she already had her personal weapon drawn, ready to disengage the safety. O'Neill surveyed the situation, raised an eyebrow, and walked past her. He slipped the gun out of her hand as he walked past, and pressed play on her iPod again. Crooning filled the room, and O'Neill placed the contents of his hands safely on the coffee table.

 _I love you,  
Is all that you can't say.  
Years gone by and still,  
Words don't come easily.  
Like I love you, I love you._

Standing mere inches from her, he tentatively reached out his hand, ready for her to grab his wrist and regain her personal space. However, she never moved, and his hand touched her cheek. Not the first time, but the first he had meant more than comfort through the action.

"Now?" he looked her in the eye and saw the flicker of comprehension, followed by a brief, shy smile.

Her hand joined his on her cheek and she replied. "Now."


End file.
